Archive for the ‘Gender Stuff’ Category

I am against abortion.

I believe life begins at conception, although there is enough of a gray area that I will not tell another woman not to use hormonal contraception, even though it works by preventing implantation.

I believe that ending a pregnancy once is has begun is killing a child. No two ways about it.

Today I saw a picture of a woman holding a coat hanger in front of her belly button, with the words “Never go back”. The person who made this image is threatening that babies will be killed, and if the cannot legally kill babies in hospitals, here’s the murder weapon. That is so painful to me, it turns my stomach.

Adoption is always an option. Babies who are given to adoptive parents as soon as they are born NEVER have to spend time in foster care, because many families want to adopt a newborn.

I care about every life. I care about the mother who medically cannot carry the baby to term because she will die before the baby can survive outside of her. In that case, one life must be ended to save another, lest by inaction they both die. She shouldn’t have to have a coat hanger abortion, because a doctor should save her life.

I care about the woman who chooses to abort under a lot of pressure from many sides, because she lives in a country where it could cost her job and then thousands of dollars just to carry the child to term (I’m looking at you, United States). She shouldn’t have to have a coat hanger abortion, because paid maternity leave and free healthcare should be available to her.

I care about the teenager who was raped and ended up pregnant. While I cannot imagine the pain she must feel, I also care about the baby growing inside of her. She shouldn’t have to have a coat hanger abortion, because her community should support her with love and with proper counselling, and as soon as the baby is born, adoptive parents should be there to provide a stable, safe, loving home for the child.

I care about the woman with no sex ed and no access to contraception (I’m still looking at you, United States. Some parts, anyway), who did not realize that she could get pregnant that way. She shouldn’t have to have a coat hanger abortion, because both of those things should have been provided in the first place.

So tell me, who is it that has to have a coat hanger abortion?

When I heard about this group that was coming to YC last fall (2014), I was skeptical. They’re such a girly-girl group, I expected music full of fluff and no substance. But I kept an open mind, and snagged a spot right front-and-center by the stage – because if nothing else, their set promised to be entertaining. Boy was I surprised. They were entertaining, yes, and utterly covered in glitter, but they are a really good, wholesome group if you like girls singing upbeat pop. They only have one album, ten songs, all on their Vevo channel, but every song is insanely catchy and they’ve all got a great message.

Sure, they’ve got some fluffy, typical girly songs – like Count Your Rainbows. But they also have tearjerkers like Daddy’s Girl – gets me every time! There’s songs that are great when you’re feeling down and out, like In The Eyes. Or, if you prefer songs you can sing to God, instead of about Him, you can listen to one of my personal favourites Live For You. The one that really struck me, though, was 1 Girl Nation which is SO Christian, and so positive even from a secular mindset. It’s all about girls sticking together even though they’re different, rather than being catty and petty to one another. Like, wow, am I right?

So… I bought the CD. I even got it signed. One of the band members recognized me from being front and centre. Or maybe it was my TARDIS hat she recognized. Either way it was cool. I played their songs on my radio show as often as I could, though not as often as I like because of CRTC rules and stuff. (But let me tell you, it’s odd announcing “And next up is 1 Girl Nation, by 1 Girl Nation, from their CD 1 Girl Nation.”) And, I think you all should go have a listen to some of them songs up there and have a look through the others.

There’s a big fuss lately about high school dress codes being sexist and oppressive to women, and then there’s the whole #freethenipple thing. And of course there’s the other side, about how dress codes should be even stricter and why women should absolutely, definitely cover up. I’d like to find  happy medium.

First of all, it’s weird as anything that female nipples are censored and male nipples aren’t. But, that’s the society we live in and I’m gonna go along with that. If there’s a day when women walk around topless in the summer the same as men, I won’t be scandalized, but I doubt I’m gonna do it myself because that’s just the culture I was raised in, that says, “Ladies have breasts and they should be covered.” And I agree, because even as a straight woman when I see a cleavage being shown off my eyes naturally and unintentionally follow it. I, personally, do not want that kind of attention. So I have nothing against the normalization of the bare female chest, but I’m not going to contribute to it.

On the other hand I’m all for public breastfeeding. It’s healthy, natural, and let’s be honest here, if you’re sexualizing a boob that’s being used to feed a baby, YOU are the problem. A mother and baby should be able to do their thing and be undisturbed whether the milk comes from a bottle or a breast.

The other big thing causing an uproar are high school dress codes, which unfortunately have two types of crusaders against them: people who are genuinely concerned that girls are being treated unfairly by the dress code as compared to the boys in their schools; and girls who just want to get away with wearing some frankly inappropriate clothes. I’ve seen the school dress codes where boys get a sentence and girls get a page. I’ve read about entire groups of girls wearing crop top to schools to prove a point. I’ve heard stories of a restrictive dress code being introduced a month before prom, when most girls already had their dresses. I know of lots of girls who would get sent home for a barely-above-the-knee skirt because “it distracts the boys” when he boys themselves are wearing above-the-knee shorts. Now that’s sexist.

My stance is this: dress codes are important to maintain a semi-professional environment, but should be enforced equally for girls and boys. If knees can’t be shown in this particular school, then neither boys nor girls should show their knees. If girls must cover their shoulders, then so should the boys. Or you could take a page out of my high school’s book and have a simple dress code that goes roughly, “Remember the 3 B’s: we don’t want to see your bellies, boobs, or butts, or the underthings that cover ’em.” There was a longer one in the student handbook that also covers things like clothing with offensive slogans or that promotes drugs or alcohol. And because it was simple, clear, and unambiguous, we never had a problem with it. Never to my knowledge was a girl told to cover up her bra straps (honestly who can tell the difference between a bra strap or an undershirt’s spaghetti strap?), but one time a guy was told to change his shirt when it had an image of a woman in a bikini on it. (Similar to this, but it only showed her from about her shoulder to her knees.)

The point is, school dress codes should be about dressing appropriately and being respectful to your fellow students and your teachers. It should have nothing to do with distracting the boys – can you say sexist? Or how about Dear girl, boys’ education is clearly more important than yours so please make sacrifices when they don’t even want to ignore their hormones and focus. It should also have nothing to do with protecting a teenager from sexual looks, because that’s only the school’s job insofar as teaching boys to be decent human beings. (Here in Canada there’s a gradual system for age of consent, like until you’re 18 there are limits on what you can give consent for, but it is technically legal for teens as young as 12 to have sex with, say, someone their own age. I’m not saying it’s good or right, but it is legal and therefore not a public school’s job to police.)

Anyway, I guess my point is: all things in moderation, including modesty and feminism.

Thanks for reading!
~Another Jesus Freak

Ladies and gentlemen, please stop friendzoning! The Friendzone is this thing where a girl says a guy is  her best friend, but she wouldn’t date him. I don’t know if that’s because she thinks it’s because he’s not good enough or too good. I don’t do it because it’s stupid. If a guy is good enough to be a close friend, he’s good enough to be a potential date. Of course there are guys that already have girlfriends but I’m still friends with them, which is different. I’m talking about single guys here, or at least if they were single. And of course there are guys that I would only be friends with at arms’ length, and others I don’t want anything to do with, but anyone I allow as close as that up there would be the kind of guy I’d say yes to if he asked me out.

Now, what other girls do should be of no real concern to me, except that it alters other people’s general worldview and from there the world I live in. What I mean is, girls friendzone nice guys (for some reason I’ll never figure out) and go for the *********s instead. Then those nice guys think, “Well if girls don’t like me, maybe I’m gay.” Other people will tell them that, too, if they’re not all into sports and stuff (which is another really stupid thing wrong with the world). So, the few of us girls who have  a bit of sense see these nice guys for what they really are, but now these guys are split into two parts. One set of guys gives in to the pressure and decides they’re gay. (Have you ever noticed that you’ll find a lot more gay guys than lesbian girls? Yeah, societal pressure does that.) The other set of guys thinks those of us who may actually like like them are just friendzoning them too, which becomes a major problem it’s really hard for a girl to hint that she likes this guy in such a way that is subtle, but he actually takes the hint. So she can’t go out with him unless the girl wants to ask him out, which is a bad idea because then he’ll get scared away and… yeah. To summarize: If a guy’s used to being friendzoned, it becomes a lot harder for a girl to go out with him.

Now, occasionally a guy does this too, so I know from my female friends that it is quite annoying. The moral of the story is: if a person of the opposite gender is worth enough to you to be a really close friend, can you try to see them for what they really are? As I’ve been advised more than once, “Marry your best friend.”

Thanks for reading!
~AnotherJesusFreak

P.S. This is compiled from talking to friends, not from personal experience. :P

One of my friends gave me a book for Christmas called “Set-Apart Femininity.” (First of all, just the word femininity is a tongue twister.) It talks about honouring God with your life and honouring the purity of marriage. I’m sure my friend meant well, and this in no way reflects on her, but I find that kind of book rather sexist. Like, seriously, doesn’t this stuff apply to guys just as much as girls? On top of that, I don’t really want anybody trying to tell me how to be feminine! I’ll be feminine if I want, I’ll be a tomboy if I want.

I sometimes wonder… am I anyone’s “only one”? The only one they can have a good intellectual conversation with, the only one with the same tastes in music, the only one who not only professes but actually practices the same beliefs? I know, for me, there’s somebody that’s all of those. I’ve wondered if we somehow have two parts of the same brain. He’s even sometimes said exactly what I was thinking, without knowing it.

“Set-Apart Femininity” deals a lot with love. It says that in order to preserve his masculine power or something and my feminine mystique, under no circumstances should I take any sort of initiative, just wait for him to get the courage to talk to me. Really? I don’t know about that. What if he’s shy and sensitive and I’m outgoing, but other than that we’re perfectly compatible? “Oh, just wait for him. He’ll man up, and if not, somebody better will come along.” HA! Nice. The book also falsely assumes I want a man that’s going to take charge, be in control and protect me, like I’m some kind of damsel in distress that has to be rescued. Listen up, guys: if there’s a dragon to fight, I am grabbing a sword and doing my fair share of the fighting. (On a side note, I won’t be wearing Xena-esque or otherwise “fantasy” armour that leaves my chest and legs exposed, either, but that’s an entirely different subject.)

Here’s another thing: I don’t care if my eventual boyfriend and someday husband is tall, strong, handsome, and the most amazing guitar player in the school (although any of those would be nice, you know.) And this may seem to go against a bunch of stuff I already said, but it really doesn’t. I want a guy who’s got a strong personality. Someone who doesn’t make me fight the dragons alone, but who doesn’t want me to sit out the battles. Who writes/sings songs/poems for/about me, but who will let me sing for him, too.

Thanks for letting me rant at you :)

~anotherjesusfreak